I love real estate. It’s “matchmaking” between buyers and properties. A happy match can be very rewarding financially and emotionally. Looking through literally tens of thousands of listings, trying to “read between the lines” and “see between the pictures” to find the perfect match for a buyer can be daunting. Thank heavens so many real estate agents use humor in their listings!
Humor? Yes, whether they realize it or not, agents repeatedly use certain words or phrases to present their listings in the best possible light. We call that “puffing”. Puffing is legal and useful. Have you learned the true meaning of “puff” words? Below are some of my favorites, along with my interpretation of what those terms really mean. Add your favorites to the list!
Compact – Very cramped, one can reach all the walls standing still and simply extending one’s arms.
A Jewel – Cramped.
Bijou – French for “jewel”.
Convenient to local schools – Convenient for lots of schoolchildren to leave wrappers in one’s yard and to solicit one for wrapping paper, candy bars, popcorn and an endless array of “booster” products.
Deceptively spacious – Cramped.
Bring your decorator! – Ugly as sin on the interior.
Bring your imagination! – Ditto
Lots of potential – Ditto
Original owner – This property has not been updated since the day it was built.
Views! – The property has windows.
Unique views! – The property has exactly one window.
Vibrant area – Yes, vibrating from the sound of a 1000-watt speaker system, the sirens of riot squad vehicles or gunfire.
Much sought-after – You will need a GPS, breadcrumbs and a packed lunch to find this property.
Popular area – People live here.
Up-and-coming area – People are possibly considering living here.
Wow factor – Airplane seats or a sacrificial alter in the master bedroom.
Step-saver kitchen – A phone booth with appliances.
Must See Inside! – Ugly as sin on the exterior (or contains a “wow factor” inside).
Immaculate – The most overused term in real estate! One can see (most of) the floors.
Waterfront – This property drains very slowly after a rain.
Water view – Can see water running across one’s yard after a thunderstorm.
Winter view – One can see past the property line when the trees have lost their leaves. Claustrophobia returns each spring.
Golf Course Lot – Golf balls will land in one’s yard at random times. Golfers will scale the fence to find them. Don’t plant nice things right along the fence.
Golf Course View – Golf carts may be occasionally glimpsed zipping between the two homes across the street.
Reduced – The agent told the seller it was priced too high and the seller has finally taken a tiny step toward a competitive price. The agent is using this term to tell the seller, “I told you so”.
Gourmet Kitchen – There are appliances in the kitchen.
Conveniently located in sought-after family neighborhood – There is nothing special about this property and it is in pretty rough condition with layers of fingerprints and juice stains.
Rustic – Check with the county to see if septic tanks had to be permitted when this property was constructed. Otherwise, it may have a Chevy Malibu hood over a dirt hole for the septic system.
Quiet Neighborhood – Abuts a cemetery.
Close to excellent private school(s) – The public schools are suspect.
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